Shades After page 92
I spent most of drawing this watching teen titans. Sometimes you need the happy cartoons to even out the awkward emotions…
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This doesn’t seem like the best time to be asking these questions? I’m sure that these are very good questions, but right now you two are trying to have a tender moment, and you’re being very emotional, hun.
I think War’s reaction was appropriate considering the lack of warning.
Sure, it’s understandable, as he’s in an emotional state. But appropriate? I’m not sure “appropriate” is an accurate word, but maybe it is.
The whole scene feels extremely personal, like I’m watcher a real pair of lovers having a spat. It feels so genuine, I’m actually feeling like I’m peeping in on them.
Understandable is what I meant to say (sorry, I ran out of spoons, so my mind was in the gutter).
I kind of think Chris should call off the naked snuggles, pop on a robe/t-shirt and talk with War while taking into account that he’s not part of/knowledgeable or into the BDSM scene. Sure you want to be open-minded, but that’s hard when your partner doesn’t properly educate or warn you about things most of the human population has not been exposed to and/or would find disturbing.
Agreed, but that likely won’t happen for the sake of the story. Which is okay, it’s a STORY, after all. But Anwar’s reaction is, i also agree, understandable. I have Chronic Pain issues, which I am largely okay with because it’s just pain, there is no injury or illness, it’s just pain. It sucks, yeah, but it’s okay for me to try and ignore it. My loved ones still worry about it when I have a bad pain day, though. You see someone you care about in pain, even if there is no real injury (which Chris’s bruises likely count as, if he has a good domme, and I believe he does), and you tend to have a visceral reaction. It’s something a person needs time to adjust to.
This is so true, Miss Kara. It is also true of those who live with depression or other mental illnesses.
Oh gosh! Poor War. I mean, I get that this is something Chris is used to and understands and ‘trust your partner to know their boundaries’ ‘consenting adult’ blah blah blah, but DAMN! I would be freaked the fuck out. War’s reaction considering how he fell into this particular part of the world, and his personality/feelings in general is pretty par for the course, I think.
Now I see why the bath was a bad idea.
Oh Anwar, I’m so sorry
Augh Chris nooooooooooo. If you want your partner to be feel safe and okay, YOU NEED TO COMMUNICATE ABOUT WHAT IT IS THAT WE DO. Don’t be That Person. You need to remember how people who are not familiar with/into kink think of bruises and blood and pain as bad things. It’s not pleasant to have your boyfriend be shocked at your yummily bruised body, but please understand where he’s coming from and explain things gently instead of acting like it’s no big deal. It understandably is to Anwar!
Chris im not sorry, but you’re being really fuckin insensitive
People are really jumping on Chris here- but it seems to me like he’s kind of reacting to all the crap he’s been given about kink in the past. Anwar’s questions, while coming from a place of ignorance and concern, probably feel very similar to ignorance and judgement. If that’s what Tab had in mind, he’s probably too busy trying not to take it to heart to really see why it’s bothering Anwar.
Of course it’s possible I’ve misread the motivations behind the words, but that’s what I take from it. I’m not saying Chris is right, but that his reaction is more understandable than people seem to be giving him credit for.
Anwar isn’t some random dude off the street. He’s Chris’s boyfriend. He’s asking very legit questions while trying his best to restrain being a douche about it. Chris should have discussed these things before disrobing. Arguably, they have even discussed it before Chris headed to his next BDSM session. If you love someone, it’s important to share that kind of information—especially if they don’t have any understanding about what you do.
I’m not saying Anwar is being a douche about it- as I said, he is coming from a position of ignorance and concern. However, they probably remind Chris a little too much of the douchey questions. I’m not saying Anwar is in the wrong- I’m saying both of them are having an emotional reaction which is perfectly valid, and will likely feed their partner’s to emotional reaction, resulting in them being unable to really thing things through rationally, emotions being what they are.
Again, it’s possible I’m misreading Chris’ reaction and he just hasn’t realised it’s a big deal to Anwar. But it feels to me like he’s suddenly feeling judged by someone he cares deeply about. Again- not Anwar’s fault, but if it reminds him too strongly of being judged that is how it will feel.
Ok, I’m glad there are a lot of BDSM people calling Chris out because honestly if I saw marks like that on my SO’s back I’d be marching out to pummel whoever did that to them. Saying “it’s no big deal, really” is what abuse victims say, Chris, you’re gonna have to explain better than that o_0
Okay, I realize that you probably weren’t exactly trying to compare BDSM to abuse, but please, try to be more careful with your wording next time. It’s really not the same thing at all, as someone who has been very close to both situations.
I think theyre trying to point that out. Like, its such a charged phrase w abuse victims that when u use it like that it may cause confusion despite it not having anything to do with that? Like, that’s such a blanket and charged statement, Chris, u need to explain better BC anwar clearly is misunderstanding stuff.
Oh come on. Anwar knew from the begining. He knew what Chris liked, enjoyed and needed. He accepted it. It’s not poor Anwar, it’s poor Chris. Chris was all happy that he finally found someone who accepted him – and now this freakout. “Yes, I know and acccept what you enjoy HOLY COW WHAT IS THAT?!” Grow up.
Wounds=bad is the normal, instinctive reaction, you can’t blame Anwar for being shocked. And I don’t think it is desirable to train oneself out of that instinctive reaction. You WANT people to ask questions if someone is hurt. No matter whether the person is into BDSM.
Chris could have handled the situation better by explaining why and how he knows that it’s not as bad as it looks. And especially by not mentioning “bloodplay”. He’s the responsible adult there, and he knows Anwar is something of a delicate flower.
Anwar isn’t a child. Don’t even TRY to paint him that way. He’s an adult, he knows what his boyfriend is into, he can be an adult about this, but he’s not. He’s choosing to make mountains out of molehills.
Poor Chris.
Ok, the case may be that I am fed up with delicate flowers and avoid them in my personal life. If I wanted a baby I would bear one. I am a tough oak and neither understand nor want to understand those glass figurines. Probably that’s the reason I see Chris as open one and Anwar as irritating one ;)
No need to be passive aggressive mate. Not everybody is into bdsm and that doesn’t make em glass figurines.
I don’t think they’re referring to people who are not kinky as glass figurines. This has nothing to do with kink. Anwar gets REALLY upset over little things and blows up and acts like a jerk. He’s really really sensitive. That’s the “glass figurine” aspect. I don’t see how that’s passive aggressive at all.
It has nothing to do with BDSM, rather with fragile personality. People can be only into vanilla, after-marriage sex and be strong. I only refer to his mind.
And if I want to be aggressive, I’m not passive about it ;)
Anwar is at the begining of becoming strong. He already accepted his asexuality but for personal use only. He has yet to embrace the proper attitude towards the world. And this attitude would be: you don’t like it – your choice. You don’t tolerate it – gtfo. My body, my life, my choice.
It’s poor both. It is different to know something is going on and to see it. Anwar, someone who isn’t comfortable with sex at all, is seeing large bruises up the person he cares for’s back caused by a sexual encounter. He is worried and Chris most likely feels like someone he really cares about is judging him for his lifestyle.
I’m with Vaira. Everyone is jumping down Chris’s throat, but as a kinky person with multiple partners i think i’d react the same way to a more vanilla partner being upset by my bruises. Like, what were they expecting? They knew i was doing kinky things with someone else, of course there are bruises…
Maybe Anwar didn’t know to expect marks, but it’s not Chris’s job to be endlessly patient and educational while Anwar is really insensitive about something he said he was ok with. Chris has dealt with more than enough intolerance of his kinkyness. I totally understand him taking this as judgment and not wanting to be nice about it.
“Maybe Anwar didn’t know to expect marks, but it’s not Chris’s job to be endlessly patient and educational”
I mean… Yes, that is exactly Chris’s job when it comes to kink stuff. They’re in a pretty unconventional relationship and they have no chance of balancing out Anwar’s asexuality and Chris’s BDSM in the relationship if they don’t communicate. And in this case, Chris absolutely should’ve warned War, the person who had no way of knowing what to expect, that he was going to have such painful looking injuries. Of course, its understandable if Chris is just so used to them as a part of his life that it just didn’t occur to him, but it still doesn’t change the fact that he’s in the wrong, nor excuse the fact that he’s acting like such a jerk right now. Anwar is visibly upset because someone he cares about is hurt, (which, by the way, is sort of the exact opposite of being insensitive) and Chris is being so impatient and dismissive of him.
Knowing that it happens and actually seeing the evidence for someone who doesn’t first, live the lifestyle, and second, doesn’t know much about it can be a very shocking thing. I know trying to explain to my family the allure for me and why my sub enjoys being spanked and cropped took a lot of time and effort. And they still don’t get it on more then an “Okay, this is what she likes, just smile and nod” sort of way. My sub’s ex reacted much the same as Anwar after he returned home from a light session with a reddened ass and a few light bruises on his back. He had to sit her down and explain to her that he willingly did it, that it wasn’t hurting him (well, more then he wanted), and that it would happen again. It was something that took time and effort to explain, and she eventually came round. Dealing with someone in the lifestyle and being open about it is fine. If they are educated in it. From what I’ve seen of the comic, I don’t think Anwar has had much school in the lifestyle, mostly due to lack of interest. To him, he sees someone he cares about greatly being hurt. And while he knew in his head that Chris wanted this, his visceral reaction is “OH GOD! no baby, why?!” And having dealt with the few people in my life who aren’t in the lifestyle and have no desire to be, I’ve seen this, and will see it again.
So, I agree with the poor ‘War people and the poor Chris people. There is lack of proper communication on both sides. Chris is trying to be flippant to ease the worry. Anwar is trying to be casual to not appear to be a worrying partner. They both need to sit down, talk things through, and find out where the limitations need to be. Because there need to be some in this situation. If Anwar can’t handle the markings, as delicious as they are (consensually given of course) then he needs to tell Chris that so Chris knows. And Chris needs to explain that these things are common for him after a session and that Anwar needs to expect them.
I also want to point out Tab’s comment on the previous page, to withhold judgement until the end of the arc. The problem with webcomics is that you don’t get to see the big picture until days, weeks, or in some cases even months later.
Yeah, I am going to ditto the withholding judgement reminder. I think both of them are reacting pretty understandably right now and I want to see where they go from here and if they can actually communicate better than they have at times in the past. Right now, I am more biting my fingernails waiting for the next page then saying “poor Anwar, bad job handling that Chris” or “poor Chris, be more sensitive Anwar.”
I agree that they’re reacting in fairly understandable ways, but that makes me feel for both of them. Neither of them are understanding why the other is reacting as they are, a which will likely only lead to them both getting more emotional and less able to talk things through right now.
Anwar has shown that he’s pretty good at sorting things through in his head though, once he’s stepped away. I dunno, we’ll see what Tab has planned.
I think they’re both having an emotional reaction as the result of some missing information on both ends. I think they’re both going to need something to calm down and regroup and a bath probably isn’t it.
Apparently people can’t withhold their opinions of them acting as either “douchbags” or “perfectly normal.” Both sides are correct depending on your point of view.
Chris might be seen as insensitive. He’s also on a post-scene endorphin high, and at least for me, my emotions (and my mouth) are not in the right place during the days following. It’s hard to be bothered by trifles when you’re still floating down from the high. I’m just hoping this doesn’t send Chris spiraling into sub-drop issues. Ugh, that’s not what he needs.
As for Anwar, comprehending the existence of BDSM, accepting your partner is into it, yet being ignorant of the visual after-effects, maybe even ignorant of the intensity (it seems bloodplay was something Anwar was not aware of) can create a visceral panic. Panic also makes your mouth run, and we’ve seen where that takes Anwar.
He shouldn’t panic, but if Chris never fully set out what he does in these scenes, Anwar has every right to be shocked. He probably has a simple idea of what Chris does; “He gets spanked and humiliated…whatever that means!” Chris likely never delved into what precisely he does, impact play and blood play and maybe he’s into hardcore forms of humiliation. It’s awkward as hell to talk about it if you’re not used to having an accepting partner. We just saw how Chris’ wife was. We can imagine her reactions. Can’t blame Chris for withholding the details of his scenes, and can’t blame Anwar for freaking out when he sees the results.
So yeah, neither are wrong to react how they are, and neither are reacting “ideally.”
Even after I had a nice deep-tissue massage that left bruises for a week, people around me were horrified if they saw my skin, and it became annoying explaining that it didn’t really hurt, it felt amazing. The looks of horror and disgust when I claimed this just made me roll my eyes, much like Chris. Yet I react with the same “what the hell are you thinking” passionate outburst when my friends do their crazy extreme sports, end up bruised, but claim it’s worth it.
this. thank you, some balance!
I like how so many people are taking Anwar’s extremely upset/ concerned and very triggered reaction and making him seem like a piece of shit. They both made mistakes but Chris is being nonchalant he knows Anwar isn’t altogether comfortable with and brushing off his concern like it doesn’t mean anything. even though Chris is USED to it he’s seen how Anwar reacted, problem isn’t that either of them are being assholes its that neither of them really understand the situation from the other’s pov, and neither are really TRYING to understand. What makes me angry though is that Chris is SEEING Anwar’s reaction and concern, however much misunderstanding Anwar is doing in the process, and he is acting standoffish and nonchalant and taking it as judgement when Anwar is just desperate to feel like Chris actually cares about him and Chris is brushing off his concern like it’s nothing. To Chris maybe it is nothing but Anwar’s physical reaction should tell him that to him it isn’t. He’s pressed up against the sink, flinching, and Chris is refusing to see it as anything but judgement? That just makes me really annoyed.