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Warnings for triggering stuff!
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Ronnie. :(
Poor thing.
And poor Kelly too; light hearted nudging can (and in some situations certainly will) blow up in your face.
Yikes, poor Ronnie. I admit I am curious though.. does Kelly know about Ronnie’s specific past at this point in time? I mean she shouldn’t have pushed anyway beyond the first time Ronnie said no, but if Kelly doesn’t know why she has a specific issue with the idea of threesomes, gangbangs, etc then hopefully this is just one of the aforementioned “blips”, because I doubt Kelly meant anything by it otherwise. :/
However if Kelly DID know then… grrrr. I’ll just leave it at saying she should at least try to think before she speaks when the blood from her brain is.. elsewhere. *-*
Personally, I don’t think Kelly knew the specifics, but as far as I’m aware, I don’t think it’s been overtly stated whether she did or not.
If she did, however, she might not see the correlation between what happened to Ronnie and a threesome. I know a lot of people who believe that a threesome, and sex with more than that are entirely different.
Indeed. Logically, there is no similarity between concentual, pre-warned sex with two women and forced, surprise ganagrape by a bunch of men, aside from them both involving sex, and since Ronnie is already OK with sex with Kelly, logically the sex part of it is fine.
But “logically” doesn’t factor into emotional trauma.
No, it really doesn’t. And I know way too many people who don’t understand that.
I really feel for both of them, and I want to give Ronnie the comfort food of her choice and the opportunity to hug if she wants it.
I know that stories can’t really be stories without some sort of conflict but it still makes me feel unhappy in the tummy regions when things like this happen.
I know the “hands all over you” bit was meant to be harmless, and would be fun for most people, but knowing Ronnie’s past it put a chill down my spine.
This brings up a small but potentially important point: If you’re going to ask your partner something like this, it’s best to do it face to face. If Kelly had seen the look on Ronnie’s face when she first asked, there’s no way she would have pushed it further.
Very good point.
I definitely agree. Even just reading the first panel I thought it was an odd/awkward subject to bring up for (seemingly) the first time on the phone, especially considering Ronnie’s past (if it is known to Kelly). I know I definitely wouldn’t flat out suggest a threesome to a partner over the phone if I hadn’t talked over that possibility with them before, regardless of their past experiences with threesomes or sexual situations involving multiple people. I don’t mean to stigmatize threesomes or suggest they need to be tiptoed around, but I feel that introducing the possibility of anything new sexually in a relationship is best done face to face. That’s also the best way to be sure the other person is interested and consenting.
Agreed. Some conversations just work better in person, especially when you need a good sense of how the other person is reacting. Just hearing their voice doesn’t tell you everything.
Awww, Ronnie…:c I’ve been there, being asked to do something triggering by a partner who didn’t quite understand. I’m in agreement with the person above me, talking in person for special ideas/requests is the best call. Seeing a person’s body language and face is important.
There’s something about Kelly’s face in the middle panel that really freaks me out. It reminds me of the abuser in Jamie’s story, but I can’t pinpoint why.
Perhaps because of Kelly’s face not being fully shown? I know that obscuring someone’s face makes it harder to think of them as a person, since emotions and thoughts are mainly read from facial expression. Obscuring Kelly’s eyes and eyebrows means that we can’t read her full expression, meaning that there is some disconnection. Especially eyes establish connections between people that are communicating – if you don’t have a good bond with someone, it’s harder to look them into the eye for a long period of time, especially if you’re not a dominant person. In short, it makes Kelly look less human and less sympathetic in this particular frame, even if we know she means no harm.
I know what you mean; I think it’s vaguely reminiscent of that creepy disembodied smile Jamie’s rapist had.
Hey, just a head’s up.
On the mobile version of this site, when accessing it from the main DiscordComics page, the notes for the comic appear underneath the comic. Meaning that warnings and trigger tags are only viewable after having read/scrolled past the comic itself.
It’s the same for the site I get on my laptop in the US on chrome. I always wondered why that was but never actually thought it was an error…
There’s a main warning to access the site as well as a warning on the archive page and a warning on the comments. I do what I can to warn people, but it’s better to assume that all is not safe here.
This reaction from Ronnie actually bothers me far more than her reaction at the support group. While a gangbang can involve just three people, it’s a very different encounter than most threesomes. Her reaction, to me, seemed like someone asking a partner about trying BDSM and getting told “I won’t be anyone’s sex slave.” It’s not the same thing and really, someone who is into BDSM would likely feel the need to explain that they aren’t, not only for education’s sake but also because they’d want to make clear that they weren’t asking their partner to be a sex slave. The way Ronnie shuts Kelly down by losing her temper and then breaking her phone instead of even trying to explain what she’s upset about put together with Kelly’s apology felt much more abusive than what people seemed to think was awful of Ronnie at the support group. Not that I’m saying Ronnie is abusive, just that her overreactions and losing her temper, coupled with the physical violence (pinning Kelly before and now smashing her phone) strike me as a potentially dangerous situation, if not addressed. I hope Kelly finds a way to address it since Ronnie doesn’t seem interested in discussion.
Being triggered doesn’t lead to calm rational responses. It sends people off into all sorts of subconscious or instinctive responses, which can include lashing out against loved ones. In Ronnie’s mind at that moment, being asked to have sex with more than one person really IS the same as the past situation. They aren’t to us, they aren’t when viewed logically, but her brain has shut down the rational part to react to the perceived threat.
I’m not excusing her physically aggressive behavior, but I think it would be extremely unrealistic to expect a victim of any form of assault or abuse to react in a calm rational manner, or even be capable of explaining in the moment what is causing the panic, anger, tears, or however they react.
One thing not spoken much about in survivor circles and online is how much anger comes with being sexually abused. It’s mentioned in passing, sure, but we don’t get to see the gritty day to day explosions in media, just the generic plot devices. Check out some of the survivor stories here (obs trigger warnings for rape)
http://www.pandys.org/escapinghades/anger.html
It’s awful yes, and there are better ways to be dealing with it, but anger is often the last line of defence when protecting yourself. Anger is a very useful emotion as it’s the one that stands up for you. Often anger is misplaced- Ronnie isn’t shouting at Kelly, she’s shouting at what happened to her to make sure it doesn’t happen again.
It’s not the correct way to do it, but when standing up for yourself there’s a lot of trial and error when going from Passive vs Aggressive and heading for the ideal of Assertive. The ‘Okay, but only because you want it’, ‘FUCK OFF WHY WOULD YOU EVEN ASK’ and ‘Nah thanks.’
Just wanted to say thanks, Tab. I’m a survivor, and I’ve come a long way in my healing process, but anger is still a very real emotion for me. I can relate to the explosions of misdirected anger, and it makes me feel less alone to see that portrayed in Ronnie’s character. Thanks for sharing the link, and thanks for writing such awesome, realistic stories.
As someone who’s been triggered and knows the difference between happy, consensual sex and unhealthy stereotypes…You just don’t always have the ability to reason things out when you’ve been triggered. While you may know at heart that BDSM isn’t being someone’s sex toy/slave, or that a threesome isn’t a gangbang, logic doesn’t work. Anger is a very real response to something that makes you feel unsafe or reminds you of a time when you were at your most vulnerable. You panic, you snap, you shut down.
Even in healthy relationships, it happens. Something that may seem casual or irrelevant triggers a person, and they go into defense mode. This is part of the reason why communication and setting boundaries is super important.
Ronnie throwing the phone and stopping the conversation is a form of self defense and expression. Her assumptions and response to Kelly joining the support group were not healthy, but as a survivor I can understand her protective instincts, and also why she’d explode.
Sometimes certain thoughts or phrases push you over the edge, and that’s why I think this narrative is important. Ronnie admits that there were blips, and I took it to mean that in the early stages of her relationship with Kelly, they were both trying to figure out each other’s comfort zones.
You don’t always know what’s bad territory with a partner you’re getting serious with. Accidents happen, which is why you talk about it. Like this is speculation on my part, but Ronnie seems to prefer a monogamous sex life for herself, while Kelly’s more of a poly person. And it happens. Maybe Ronnie just needs one partner while Kelly is more comfortable having emotional and sexual relationships with whomever she might feel alright with, and it’s fine. They’re in the early stages of developing things, and shit happens. That’s why you talk about it after calming down.
My girlfriend has sometimes said things that were triggering, and I had a similar response. I shut down, I got angry, and I had to distance myself from her until I was able to be logical and sit down and say “This bothered me and I would prefer if we didn’t broach this subject”.
Anger’s a part of recovery, unfortunately. :/
i understand ronnie’s feeling and i can see why she reacted the way she did but is it wrong that i flinched when she got mad. i mean i flinch to almost everything do to my childhood and i know this sounds cliche but i have even been afraid of my own shadow a few times when she got upset it brought back a lot of suppressed memory’s and i flinched a bit whimpering is that weird.